From The White House

I've been spending the last couple weeks or so getting important information, papers and special instructions together for the transition. Important information such as the owner's manual for the plasma TV in the Treaty Room. And then there's the universal remote, that's near impossible to figure out. Nate, one of my secret service guys, is always helping me out with that one. I don't know if he'll still be here after the transition, so they'll need those instructions too. When the batteries run out, the whole thing needs reprogramming.

Someone was asking me if 2008's been as bad for me as it has for other people, and I said, 'Hey, I think 2008's been a good year. One thing is I got this official Presidential portrait done of me. It looks just like me and is so lifelike it looks like you could shake hands with me.'

Hey, look at me. I'm shaking hands with myself!

W

Today I wake up with the realization that I am about to embark on one of life's great journeys.

Seems no matter how big any problem's been these final months, it's been real easy for me to take care of whatever's come up and do the job of President, following through on my promise to the American people.

W

I tivo’d Obama’s speech the other day, the one about his church preacher’s remarks, and couldn’t believe my ears when I got around to watch it. It was eerily similar to a speech I was planning to make titled, “Kodak Moment.” I called Laura in to check it out, but since she didn’t know anything about my upcoming speech, she couldn't figure what I was all upset about.

In Obama's speech, the passage, “Our trials and triumphs became at once unique and universal, black and more than black,” was something I was going to say about the days of black & white film and how we lived with the black & white for so long until, "one day we moved as a nation to color film, and out of that, people. Your family and friends, in color."

His use of the words, “Fierce intelligence and the shocking ignorance,” was the part where I compared the old Kodak Instamatic cameras to today’s digital cameras, some with more brain power to guarantee a good exposure than many people I know, and sometimes once used to party with.

I noticed at one point Obama credited William Faulkner, and even said, “William Faulkner once wrote, ‘The past isn’t dead and buried. In fact, it isn’t even past.’” I’m pretty sure that’s from the movie Scarface, the scene where Tony Montana (Al Pacino) is looking at a pile of coke on his desk and discovers that both his sister Gina and right-hand man Manny have disappeared. That’s a pivotal scene in the movie and also in Obama’s speech. Laura and I watched Scarface just last week.

Also in there is his, “my faith in the American people – that working together we can move beyond some of our old racial wounds, and that in fact we have no choice if we are to continue on the path of a more perfect union.” My Speech has that exact same sentence, but instead of ending with, “continue on the path of a more perfect union,” my speech ends with, “we are to continue on the path of a Kodak Moment.”

Finally there’s his, “Let us be our brother’s keeper, Scripture tells us. Let us be our sister’s keeper. Let us find that common stake we all have in one another, and let our politics reflect that spirit as well.” I had all that too, but ended with, “and let our politics reflect that spirit as well as capture it as only Kodachrome can do.”

W

Hey, I heard a really funny joke the other day. It goes like this...

Hillary Clinton is sworn in as President.

First order of business is she disposes of Bill and spends her first night as president alone in the White House. She has waited several years for this.

First Night
The ghost of George Washington appears to her.
Hillary asks, 'President Washington, how can I best serve my country?'

Washington says, 'Never tell a lie.'
'Ouch!' Says Hillary, 'I don't know about that.'

Second Night
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears.
Hillary asks, 'President Jefferson, how can I best serve my country?'

Jefferson says, 'Listen to the people.'
'Ohhh!' Says Hillary, 'I really don't want to do that.'

Third Night
On the third night, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears.
Hillary asks, 'President Lincoln, how can I best serve my country?'

Lincoln says, 'Go to the Theater.'
W