From The White House

Last night, I was awake in bed, and thinking about the Secret Service and ‘how secret can it be if everyone knows about it?’ And then I was thinking about how one would go about finding a secret. Would I call them and go through a phone prompt, ‘Thank you for calling the Secret Service. Are you inquiring about an existing secret or a new secret?’ So I’d like to make a new secret, and have them do it for me, I’d press the ‘One’ button or something. Then I’d tell someone on the other end my secret and it’d be done! But then that someone else would already know my secret! So again, we’re back to, ‘just how secret is the Secret Service?’

Now I started thinking, ‘If it were really secret, and a really good secret, it would have to be handled by and even more secretive agency. A Super Secret Service, or what I’m thinking would be the ‘Double Secret Service.’

The Double Secret Service, if they exist, probably handle the really BIG secrets. Not these ones that eventually turn up in the newspaper, or on TV like ‘The President Meets With Aliens,’ or “Secret Presidential Hideout For President and His Friends and Family.” No, this Double Secret Service would be all about the really BIG secrets. Secrets so extraordinary we can’t even imagine. Things like, ‘Comet To Collide With Earth Next Year,’ or “President Cloned Without His Knowledge,’ which by the way is something I think might have happened already. More on that some other time. But this Double Secret Service would be so secretive that no one would know. Kind of like the Free Masons or something like that, or even more clandestine and mysterious, since you wouldn’t even know. Maybe the Double Secret Service agents themselves wouldn’t know they were even in the Double Secret Service? Who knows? Only they do. And then again, maybe they don’t.